Today's weather was nice, but the ratchet of a career related stress that I have unnecessarily heaped upon myself keeps on turning.
Besides the homework I've been dealing with all week, I now I have a very important job interview on Tuesday. I have to give a presentation, but luckily it's of the powerpoint-on-random-topic variety. Basically, I just have to stand up and talk about myself, no powerpoint necessary. I think it's might actually be a good thing since I get to cover a lot of material before we go into the great of unknown of question and answer format. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much worthless in the days going into a big interview and all I can really do is hope I get the job and that it will be the last one for a while.
The second is goes back to earlier in the week. I already decided on Tuesday that I am completely lacking in an "business formal" attire that I actually feel good in. I think part of the problem is that I always buy suit jackets the same size as the pants and then they look big and sloppy. I'm a cyclist; I have top/bottom discrepancy.
I actually ordered a new suit a few days ago, but it will probably not be here in time. Even if it is I always have to have pants hemmed, because I'm solidly in between regular and petite length legs. So I had to come up with a way to make what I have acceptable. I spent a good portion of my time at the mall this morning, but couldn't find any of the items I was looking for. I think I have settled on just wearing a jacket and pants that both fit, but are not a set. Hopefully, the committee won't judge me too harshly.
It just frustrates me how hard it for women to find nice suits compared to men. I was once complaining to a male coworker who joked, "business casual is a scam invented by men to keep women from advancing professionally." He jokes, but it's true. Here's what mean were for work: pants, jacket, shirt, tie. If they want to be business casual, they take off the jacket and tie. They have special stores with racks and racks of these items and salespeople to show them how to match.
For women, there is so much more to it: pants, skirts, jackets, blouses, camisoles, all kinds of things men don't have to worry about. Wearing opened-toed shoes for men isn't even an option except in the most casual circumstances. For women, finding closed-toed dress shoes (at least stylish ones) this time of year is hard, but I have some very high ideals beaten into my head from my undergraduate business studies. One of those is no open-toed shoes at work and certainly not at a interview.
Seriously, why is there not a S&K women's wear? I just want to like the way I look.
I keep telling myself that from my all my experience as both an interviewer and interviewee the last couple of years, that probably very few people care about this stuff as much as I do. I probably hurting myself more by caring at this point, since it's stressing me out.
So all of this probably seems pretty lame coming from someone who usually blogs about training for cycling. I know should care a lot less about my job, what I wear to my job, and anything regarding my job when I'm not there. I try to tell myself that it's really all about paying for my cycling toys anyway, and when the pursuit of money for toys interferes with the enjoyment of the toys, it's time to back off. Easier said that done.
I've always been a very high achiever academically. I was not one of those kids that got rewarded for a straight-A report card. Mostly my parents had me so scared of what would happen if I didn't get straight-A's I never actually got a B until college. At that point, it was somehow acceptable and I took full advantage my first semester.
I was always the kid that wanted to hang out with adults rather than other kids, and from junior high on, they always thoughtI was the best thing ever. Then my academic career ended and I was an "adult" in the real world scratching to survive. Everything I'd accomplished prior to that point apparently meant nothing to the people that mattered. For the first time in my life, success didn't come easily and three years later I'm still trying to prove that I'm really what my transcripts and diplomas say I am.
I grew up as a kid who was good at school and bad at sports, so I desperately wanted to become good at sports. I spent so much time and effort on that I suddenly was bad at the life the good grades were supposed to prepare me for. So these days I spend a lot of time vacillating my focus from one to the other and being good at neither. I definitely need to work on my balance if I ever want to be successful.
Hey, at least I'm not trying to have musical and artistic talent, too, right?