Muddy Pictures

I just wanted to add this cool sequence of pictures from Sunday that were posted by Cycle Exposure after I'd already written up my race report. I feel lame even mentioning this, but I feel like I'm actually starting look like a lean racer chick in this weekend's photos. Even Emily commented on my muscles in one, although she could just be mocking my interest in analyzing the number and degree of visible muscles I can find in race pictures of myself.

Indy CX Weekend

After what seemed like a very long double CX weekend, the logical thing to do is to spend Monday reliving it all by looking at a bajillion Facebook pictures and silly videos, right? In addition to my own blogging, I also volunteered to keep up with the CX coverage for Bloomington VeloNews this season after our esteemed local cycle-razzi Geraint Parry moved back to England last winter. So now I am busy following and photographing the racing exploits of other Bloomington residents in addition to my own. I realize that at least half of my readers come from BVN already, (another 40% are people Googling abdominal scars) but if you want to read what I have to say about other people's races click on over and check it out.

The race course at Brookside on Saturday had a decidedly roadie bias (the course designer would freely admit this intention), so it didn't exactly bode well for my skill set. The field was a little tougher than the one at Fisherman's Park. Before the race I identified a couple of girls who would almost definitely beat me and 3-4 that could go either way. It turned out that 3 of the 4 went the way of beating me, plus another one surprised me. I ended up fourth out of the Cat 4 open and seventh in the wave. I did beat one 35+ women who had beaten me the week before, so that was a positive. Overall, it wasn't an exceptional race for me, but I'd give myself a "meets expectations" on my performance evaluation.



Rain all Saturday night and Sunday made for slick conditions at Ft. Harrison State Park. Although our early race didn't have the epic mudfest conditions of the elite races in the afternoon, the slick turns and sloppy fire road on the back of the course still played to my advantage. I got a good start and stayed with the top three for the better part of the first lap. I then lost contact with them and was eventually passed by one more powerful rider, but I kept it rubber side down for all but one corner and maintained my position for the rest of the race. This left me in third place in the Cat 4 open and a best-ever wave finish of fifth. I managed to beat a couple more good 35+ women from previous races, and even if it doesn't sound as good as "winning" at Fisherman's park, it was probably my best performance so far this season. The girls that got first and second in my category were really strong and racing for the first time this season. Luckily, one was just on a short weekend stopover before her Cat 3 upgrade, so I still feel like I might have a decent chance at winning the series. There's still a long way to go, though.



Besides the racing, the best part of the weekend was actually spectating during the muddy elite races. There were a bunch of crazy people handing out money and beer at the barriers. Luckily, someone made this awesome video of the festivities, which is bound to become a classic of "Joey's Okay" proportions.

And This One Time, at Fisherman's Park

For so many years, I had to tell the story: "No, I've never actually won a race. At least not one with other people in it. Well, except for this one time at Brookside in 2006, I beat one girl, and it was awesome."

And then my day came. I climbed to the top step of a real live cyclocross podium at a real live OVCX race, and this is the picture I have to prove it:



Looks a whole heck of a lot like, "this one time I beat this one girl", huh?

Well, don't let the picture fool you. It was a tough battle getting there.

A steady drizzle through the morning left the grass on the course slick, although no real mud had started to build up when I took my practice lap. I wasn't feeling too great, mostly due to nerves. It didn't help that my bike seemed to weigh 20 pounds more than the sprightly steed that I'd ridden at Applecross the week before. When I finished the lap, I realized why and didn't feel so bad.

All of the wet grass was clogging my brakes and making my bike look like Swamp Thing:



Adam got it cleaned off and loosened my brakes a little to compensate for the buildup that would happen during the race, and then I had to just line up and hope for the best. Three categories started in my wave: Cat 4 open women, Cat 4 35+ women, and junior girls 15-18. We were all mixed together and then separated on the results at the end.

I got a nice front-row center call-up and a decent start off the line. I was in third until the first barrier, but lost a few places before a particularly tight turn where a I got caught behind a crash and lost a couple more. I started to make up the ground and then I was bumped off course when I tried to pass a girl on a twisty up and down section. It was probably mostly my fault for not calling out that I was passing, but I was a little too gassed to yell and hoped I could sneak through.

So the first lap concluded with me chase mode, and it stayed that way until about a third of the way into the third lap. At that point, I had lost the wave leaders, but still seemed to be in good position within my age group and was making up ground on who I thought was the category leader. Then a couple of girls passed me and I started getting worried. Fortunately, the last half of the course had a lot of off-camber and slick up-and-down turns. Rather than killing it, I stayed calm and focused on being smooth and mistake-free. This worked perfectly, as I managed to pass back the two girls who'd just caught me and finish off the one I'd been chasing all race when they each made mistakes on the slick stuff.

Clearing the last technical section, I gunned it as hard as I could to get away from the girls I'd just passed. There was still a chance that I'd have to defend for a fourth lap if no singlespeed men lapped me before the finish line. Part of me wanted to get a fourth lap in, because I knew some of the top women in the wave would, but I was also 95% sure that I was leading the under-35 race and really just wanted to seal my win. So when I glanced over so see the rider coming around me before the final uphill was male, I said a silent thank you and pushed with all my might to make sure no women passed me before the finish.

Even though I got to stand on the top step of the podium, I was still beaten by a couple of hella fast juniors and four women from the 35+ category. So my first "win" still feels like unfinished business. I want to make it to the for-real top of my wave and not the arbitrarily age-graded top. The good news is that I'll head to Brookside on Saturday with greater confidence and try to climb a little further up the ladder. It should be good. After all, I did beat that one girl there that one time.

Speaking of confidence, I wore these nifty socks yesterday. Sure they match my kit, but they also just kind of spoke to me. I mean, it's just a little easier to have swagger in competition when your socks are "cocky":

Huber's Applecross

So the test results are in. New wheels: freakin' awesome. Body: meh, pretty good.

I got a good start at Huber's Applecross today. I contended for the hole shot with a girl from Illinois who had won the day before, and when the course narrowed into the first turn I let her take the lead. The pace seemed a little slow through the first part of the course, so I passed her right before the apple orchard section (mmm, rotten apple smell). Unfortunately, I found myself being flung through the air at the exit of the orchard. A closer inspection on the next lap revealed a pretty large hole camouflaged by the grass that I'd failed to notice on my pre-ride.

The cool thing was that while I scrambled to get back on the bike I realized that I gapped the field enough that I almost had time to remount and keep going without losing my lead, but I panicked at bit and didn't move efficiently enough. I tacked onto the back of the lead group and tried to regain my senses, but things got pretty crazy shortly thereafter. There was a weird section where the course appeared to go down a steep off camber hill and then back up. However, it was taped wide enough that I could ride the high side of the downhill and low side of the uphill so that it was more of just a zig zag with a few pedal strokes of climbing. I got caught up behind a lot of traffic in that section and the climb ending in a run-up after it. Some of the 35+ women were catching up at that point and I kind of lost my bearings as to my place in the pack. A couple of crashes in front of me on the gravel-to-grass transition right before the sand pit during the second lap made things even less clear. I just tried to maintain at point.

The middle laps were rough because, even though I'd made up a few places, I'd lost sight of the leaders. I also had a two or three girls following me that I needed to hold off. It's ironic that I just did a blog post on how awesome it is to have people cheering for me during races, because I was getting the complete opposite today. Amongst a Louisville-heavy crowd being pursued by several Louisville girls, I was mostly hearing cheers for my competitors and knowing that they were still in hot pursuit. One finally got around me and started to slip away when I saw the lap board and realized we were in for four laps instead of three. I got close to making the place back during the last lap, but didn't quite make it. When we crossed the finish line, it was announced that we were second and third. At that point I was a little disappointed that I hadn't fought harder for second, but at least I'd made my first real cyclocross podium.

Time to 'Cross

Sunday I will be testing out my body and my new wheels at Huber's Applecross before things really heat up with the beginning of the OVCX series. I did have a minute or two a couple of weeks ago where I suddenly wished I was continuing my 6 solo streak at the DINO 24, but it passed pretty quickly. If I'm going to be racing every weekend until Christmas, it's probably best to keep it to 30-40 minute bouts.

Anyway, I figured I'd get myself and everyone else pumped up with what became my unofficial CX anthem last season. Weird choice, I know. I think it started last season going up that annoying steep section at Fisherman's Park when I heard Fred Rose yelling, "You're a warrior!" I'm not even sure if it was intended for me or for his girlfriend who was likely on a nearby section of the course that just happened to be half a lap or so ahead of me. Regardless, it made me laugh and maybe made me push a little harder for a while. I realized that with so many vocal 'cross peeps and the short and twisty courses, it's pretty hard to go more than a minute or two without a friend yelling for you. So it's more about the feeling than the exact lyrics, but "somewhere in the crowd there's you" is pretty much everyone I know instead of any specific person. Plus, the peppy beat eases the pain just a little.

Good luck to everyone tuning it up at Applecross or Lionhearts CX or topping it off at the DINO 24 Hour this weekend! I guess we'll all converge again in Louisville in a week.

End of MTB Quotes

"... like a f***ing roller coaster for hillbillies." - Tomasz Golas

"Cycling is a bitchy sport at times..." - Jamie Scott

"Well, MTB season is officially over. Can't say I'm heartbroken. Had a couple good races early on, mostly shit otherwise." - Adam Rodkey

I almost feel like I don't need to write a whole post on this; my husband's tweet above says it all. The other two are just kind of funny/fitting.

Yesterday I wrapped up the disappointing last half of my XC mountain bike season. When I look back I realize that it was mostly disappointing because I won the first race of the season, and then it went downhill from there. Without that initial success, I could have just gone through the season with the excuse that I was just coming back from surgery and was focusing on cyclocross. As it turned out, I tossed those excuses to the wind, tried to reach beyond the comfort of mediocrity, and failed.

"Held up so high on such a breakable thread" - Avril Lavigne

It's hard to decide how I should feel about this. I knew that first win wasn't against particularly strong competition. However, as the season progressed more girls started racing or moved up from Cat 3, and winning wasn't so easy. I was the slowest women's Cat 2 winner in the history of the BCSP race and the fastest last place in the history of Logansport. My eight place time from yesterday was faster than the second place time at the same race when I first raced Sport/Cat 2 back in 2007. (I know the course has been altered, but the men's times are about the same so it's not just a faster course.) So it's not like I actually did super bad the last the last few races, but at the same time it's frustrating, after six seasons of racing, to be competing against girls who have been at it less than two years and not be winning.

"The competition's getting younger. Tougher broncs, you know I can't recall." - Garth Brooks

In reality, I was faster overall this season than I ever have been, but only by a small amount. In light of the fact that I did have major surgery over the winter and trained fewer hours, I guess even a small improvement should be a happy surprise. I feel like I'm actually a lot faster for the first 30 minutes or so of the race, but I'm just not able to maintain it. I'm kind of hoping that the improvement to my top end will be more pronounced in 'cross races where 30 minutes is all I'll need.

So for better or worse, another mountain bike season is in the books. I have a nice mental list of things to do differently next year, but for now, all I can do is move on and try to have the best 'cross season I can with the fitness I have.

Ground Control

I never could bring myself to write a race report from the Versailles race, because I'm still upset about it. I got into a verbal spat with another competitor, and I feel like an ass for it. Not a completely unjustified ass, but an ass nonetheless. I've been struggling with how my perception of things may or may not actually line up with reality (still not sure). I've finally come to the conclusion that regardless of how the other girl's past actions have contributed to my frustration and possibly the frustrations of other riders, as well, it was ultimately my responsibility to not let myself get so upset worrying about other people's actions. It's just a damn hard thing to do.

Also, I ran out of gas mid-race and finished fourth, which I felt was pretty dumpster. I'm sure the wasted expenditure of emotional energy didn't help.

I'd still been feeling "off" since I got back from Oklahoma four weeks ago (smacked head?), so I took Friday off from work to allow a nice three-day weekend and the chance to regroup a bit. I'm not sure what the deal was. I wasn't sleeping well, and was showing physical signs of stress, although I couldn't really name any particular thing I was worried about. Regardless, I thought an extra day of sleeping in, followed by a morning of light and not mentally taxing physical activity, would do me good. So I swapped my Thursday intervals for a Friday mountain bike ride at Brown County. A couple of hours at chill-axed pace did me good.

Green Valley

Later that day, I found out that my new cyclocross wheels had arrived. They are Velocity Major Tom rims with Ultegra hubs. I apparently also have "custom" tires, although I have only seen them on Twitter. The new wheels are not super fancy, but I'm looking forward to making the jump from clinchers to tubulars. Hopefully, the "unparalleled ground control" will help me step up my game this season.

Should have taken the picture before Adam started the gluing magic.

In other 'cross news, the registration pages for some of this season's races have begun to open and it appears that the campaign to get a Cat 3 women's class for the OVCX series was mostly successful. I say mostly because, while there will be a separate Cat 3 women's class for registration and scoring, they will race at the same time and for the same prize purse as the Cat 1/2's, as well as the newly formed Elite 35+ women's class. I feel like these category changes will help create a more defined path for riders progressing through the sport, and will give everyone a place where they belong, even if we don't all get separate swag.

After obsessing over the creation of a Cat 3 women's class for the last year, I certainly would like to participate in it. However, I'm a little scared of getting in over my head for the first race. So I'm strongly leaning toward racing Cat 4 for the first race and trying to earn my upgrade. Upgrading is easier than downgrading; plus I'm a strong advocate of "the upgrade points system is in place for a reason" and feel like I should earn my spot in the next category up.

Catching Up

I keep telling myself that I'm going to sit down and write a blog post that isn't a race report, but I just haven't been inspired. I guess it beats a day-to-day accounting of the average power of every interval I perform, but I've gone too far in the other direction.

Anyway, I had a nice trip back to see my parents in Oklahoma during the first week of July. Since my impending surgery interfered with my normal Christmas trip, I hadn't been to see them in 15 months.

While I was there, my mom and I ran the annual Fireball Classic 5k. It had been a running joke since last summer when she was reading the results of last year's race in the paper and decided that she needed to the race "someday". While I was in the hospital, we decided that we would both do it this year and started in on the smack-talking about who was going to beat who. However, since I healed and got back to cycling faster than I expected, I really didn't do much running in preparation, except for an 800m warm up before my gym sessions. As the race grew closer, my mom seemed to grow unsatisfied with the idea of just walking the 5k and wanted to run, but she was also not very confident in her ability to do so. She set the goal of "finishing in a number less than [her] age".

As it turns out, she finished in 37 minutes and third in her age group, but didn't get her medal due to a mix-up. I also finished in a number less than my age, but at 29:18, it wasn't by much. I still figure that sub-30 is acceptable since I don't really run anymore.

I returned from Oklahoma around 9 p.m. on Friday night, only to unpack and then re-pack the car to go to the Rangeline Rampage time trial the next morning. I wasn't really thrilled about the idea of getting up early and racing the morning after an all-day drive, but after reviewing the results from the Muscatatuck short track race, it looked like I needed to go get the bonus points if I still wanted to be in contention for the DINO series championship. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I care about winning the series championship, but I kind of do.

Unfortunately, all of the voices that were telling me to forget about the stupid bonus points and stay home, go to the farmer's market, and do my scheduled 2 x 20 minute intervals were right. I was completely lacking in mojo, and while I thought my Anthem would be the right bike for a twisty, technical time trial, I'm just not comfortable on it anymore. Things went from bad to worse when I was grasping at straws to try and hold off the girl that started 30 seconds back, then endoed coming off a higher than expected log drop/jump thing. My head was ringing, it took a little while until I felt like getting up. When I did, I carefully traversed the rest of the course (9 bonus points still beats 0).

I thought I was okay, but a splitting headache, nausea, and difficultly concentrating on the drive back to Bloomington had me scared that I had a concussion. I stopped by Bloomington Hospital ER before going home, and it turns out I just "rattled my brain" a bit. I'm not really sure where the dividing line is, but I guess that if it was a true concussion I would have been too loopy to complete the race, much less a two-hour drive after. Some Tylenol and a nap cleared up the majority of the headache, and it still comes and goes a few days later. I also have a killer black eye now that the swelling had started to move from my eyebrow down to the lid.

DINO French Lick: Daring Feats of Reckless Bravery

"In keeping with their credo of ‘Die biting the throat,’ a gnoll in haouka will take progressively greater risks, performing more and more daring feats of reckless bravery until she is killed."

Going out with the leaders. Thanks to Janelle Renschler for the photo.

Well, I failed to garner another win at DINO French Lick. I know that's kind of a bummer way to put it, but after my first win at Brown County, I was hungry for another, and it seemed very possible.

The race morning was strange, since early morning thunderstorms left us wondering if the race was on or off. Unable to get through to the DINO hotline, we set out and kept calling along the way. When Adam finally got through about two hours before the start time and over halfway there, there was no message either way. We assumed it was on.

The parking lot was so scarcely populated when we arrived that for a while I wondered how much competition there would actually be. However, there were some women from Missouri parked next to us and one of them was in my category. I knew nothing about her, so I just decided I would do my best to beat her to the singletrack and let the chips fall where they may.

By the time the race started, there were five Cat 1 girls and five Cat 2, including the girl who got second at Brown County. In this case, I knew I had to beat her to the top of the first hill so that I could gap her in on the downhill. Otherwise, I would end up engaged in a painful and frustrating back-and-forth like many times last season, which usually did not end well for me. Basing my strategy off of a fast start followed by a long max-effort climb is not the way I'd prefer to do things, but it was what I had to do in that situation.

So at the start I dove into my reckless feat of bravery. I shot out across the flooded driving range right behind the top three Cat 1 girls, and hoped that no one was too close behind me. Hitting the singletrack climb was painful, but I did my best to keep my composure, spin, and try to be as smooth as possible. Unfortunately, as I struggled to find my maximum sustainable pace going up the hill, the clicks of gears and chains behind me indicated that the pace was not fast enough to lose the competition. Early on I was passed by a Cat 1 girl with the Cat 2 girl from Missouri closely on her wheel. So I now I knew something about her: she was pretty darn fast.

At least the clicking behind me had subsided and I thought I could hold on for second. At the next switchback, it even looked like I had a decent gap. But the climb was just too long, and I was unable to hold off the next girl until the top. By the time she passed me, I was in full explosive state and I finally had to back off a bit. So I ended up being clear for the downhill after all, but not in the way I wanted. I limped my way through the rest of the lap for third. I think I would normally be happy with that, but I was mostly disappointed to have been outmatched by someone I know I can beat.

Now I have time to lick my wounds and come back fighting at Versailles. The last two weeks were kind of hard for me, because it took me a full week to feel normal after my effort at Brown County. Normally I struggle with a "phantom pedaling" sensation in my legs when I try to go to sleep the night after a race. After Brown County, I had that sensation for three nights. By the time I felt normal again, I didn't want to push myself too hard in training so that I would be fresh for French Lick. Not that I think two weeks of suboptimal training had much influence on my race result, but my plans have actually shifted to a 100% cyclocross focus for fall so I'm really supposed to just be training through all of the cross country races. I want to get back on track with that plan as soon as possible. Luckily, I get a rest week, a full training block, and another rest week before Versailles, so that should be perfect.

DINO BCSP: Die Biting the Throat

A few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast where J. Stanton, the author of The Gnoll Credo, was being interviewed. The book sounded interesting from the interview, so I decided to go to the website and read the first chapter. The first chapter ends with the actual Gnoll Credo, which is pretty much rules of living for the gnolls, which are hyena/human hybrids. The final rule is "Die biting the throat."

When I bought the book from publisher's "Save the Serengeti" page, I received a signed copy with a nice note from the author and quite a few stickers, including four that said, "Die Biting the Throat". I decided that one of them needed to go on the top tube of my mountain bike.

Fast forward to this weekend. I still hadn't actually put the sticker on my bike, but a training cycle of many puke-tastic sets of 30 second sprints had seriously enhanced my ability to push myself, even if my power numbers still weren't as awesome as I'd hoped. I wasn't sure how I felt about my first race at DINO BCSP, because I didn't really know what kind of shape I was in. However, I decided to go into the race with as little expectation about performance as possible, but at the same time to adopt "Die Biting the Throat" as my own credo. Basically, if I wasn't fit enough to do well, that was okay, but whatever happened, I was going to go down swinging.

So we lined up and I scanned the field. There weren't that many Cat 2's and only one I recognized. I knew I had to do my best to be the first in my class to reach the top of the paved climb, since I hate being held up on the downhill singletrack. We took off and I was easily clear of all the Cat 2 girls and the Cat 1's weren't pulling away at the speed they normally do. One Cat 2 girl came around me for a bit where the climb flattens out a little, but when the pitch increased I shoved myself into the hurt box and re-passed her along with two Cat 1 women. I had made it through the first major obstacle of the race, and now I just had to keep it together and hold my lead.

One Cat 1 girl came around once we started climbing, and Emily, who was in Cat 1, passed me about halfway through the North Tower loop. However, she didn't pull away quickly, so I had a carrot to chase up until the Aynes climb. I glanced back early on and saw a girl from my category and panicked a bit, but I just rode as hard as I could and miraculously crested the climb without being caught. At that point I knew that I had a pretty good shot at hanging on for the win, but I still had to be conscientious. I did my best to rip the descent, push as hard as I could on the little ups and downs, and made it to the North Tower climb. Just five more minutes hard, and a screaming descent, and I had it. When I topped that climb, I knew I'd win, and a mile of downhill later, I did.

So I'd call my first race back from surgery a huge success. I think part of it is that I'm not taking myself so damn seriously this year, but at the same time I'm learning to be tougher when it counts. I also think I got lucky with the field today, but hey, a win's a win. I'm definitely hoping to repeat at French Lick in a couple of weeks, since that is my favorite course.

In case I forget sometime between now and June 18, I installed this when I got home from the race:

April Is The New January

I've been meaning to write this post since the DINO Spring Tune-up was cancelled, essentially pushing my first race of the year all the way to DINO BCSP on June 5. Actually, I'd decided not to race a couple of days before the cancellation, due to the fact that Adam wanted the car to go to a road race day, I'd forgotten to renew my USAC license and hadn't accounted for an extra $60 in my April budget, and frankly, I just didn't feel ready to race yet.

I planned my season knowing that I would be behind for the spring and summer, and that I would be okay with that, but this April has felt much more like January than April. Many factors are contributing to this: the fact that I just completed my first base training cycle, the fact that I'm still five weeks away from my first "race" and even that doesn't feel real, and the fact that I've not been on my mountain bike the entire month. I was lucky enough to get one ride at French Lick in February and one at BCSP in March, but between the weather and trying to get reacquainted with intervals, mountain bike riding fell by the wayside in the last month. I'm actually feeling a little paranoid about my lack of trail time, but I have 17 weeks left to prep for The Unnamed Epic. Perhaps I'll take more advantage of the drier months of July and August this year, rather than being burned out by then like I normally am.

Here is one more January-like sign:

Yes, I've actually been on the trainer a couple of times. Of course, I usually won't get on that thing even in January, but I'm trying an experiment. I've been wavering back and forth about trying intermittent fasting (IF) for a couple of months, but I finally took the leap a couple of weeks ago. I've done quite well at making it until lunch time on just a couple of tablespoons of coconut oil around 8:30 or 9. Since I no longer need to take the time to prepare and eat breakfast, I have an additional half-hour or so more free time in the morning than I used to. Three days a week, I use it to get extra sleep. However, on Tuesday and Thursday I'm playing on the "fasted endurance in the morning, strength in the afternoon" paradigm from the Strength Training for Cyclists blog series that I mentioned in my last post. I basically get up and pedal easy for 30 minutes before I get ready for work, so that I get an extra boost to the efficiency of my fat metabolism. Hopefully, a few months of this result in a killer diesel engine to power through 75 miles of Wisconsin hills in August.

I'm actually finding the trainer more tolerable than I have in the past, probably due to the more relaxed effort. I really do just spin and check my email on my phone while old episodes of Full House play in the background. Ironically, the first morning of this routine involved an episode where DJ decides to starve herself to look good a pool party and is inundated with sorts of CW advice from the family. And Michelle crawls up on a table and shoves a bunch of cake in her face. I can only hope it was the Olsen twin that later developed an eating disorder playing that scene.

Anyway, things seem to be going pretty well, despite the feeling of being behind. The coming training cycle will be hard and fast, and hopefully the weather will start allowing me to do some Sunday rides on my mountain bike.

One Less Skinny Cyclist

So I guess official cycling training for 2011 is under way.

As I've stated before, my plan was to spend 12 weeks focusing on Crossfit, with a little bit of base miles, and then go back to "official training" in May. I think I've discussed the reasons for this a bit, but I don't think I've ever discussed the real reasons. Yes, I wanted a chance to build my muscle back after my surgery, but it's a little more complicated than that. I really just couldn't see myself going back to cycling training as I knew it before I switched to a primal/paleo/whatever diet last August. I had struggled through the first few weeks on the diet, which is likely due to the fact that I was transitioning to a fat-based metabolism. Then the pancreas drama set in and gave me an "out". I hadn't really wanted "out" in the middle 'cross season, but as I've stated several times, I've been glad for the opportunity to step back and figure out what I want to do.

The fact of the matter is that I definitely still wanted to race bikes, but I didn't want to go back to my old way of doing things. What has been seen cannot be unseen, and what is known cannot be unknown. I've spent all these months hearing how "chronic cardio" is bad for me, and how too many carbs will make me fat. I also know it's not just hype, because for the first time after over 10 years as an endurance athlete, I sleep through the night without getting up to use the bathroom, my ankles don't swell up at work nearly as much as they used to, and I'm generally less irritable and unmotivated. The answer, my friends, is in the cortisol. Life is much better with less of it.

Unfortunately, for quite some time I struggled to figure out how to live a lifestyle where I could enjoy these benefits and still be somewhat fast on a bike. All the advice I was getting from the paleo-sphere was eat more sweet potatoes and that Robb Wolf really, really didn't care about endurance sports. I won't even get started on my thoughts on "The Paleo Diet for Athletes". So I figured I'd stall with a few months of Crossfit and maybe get my body composition where I wanted it before I threw myself to the cardio wolves again.

Then I saw a Twitter post about Jamie Scott's High Fat Diet for Cyclists and Strength Training for Cyclists blog series, and was hooked. He was saying that eating the diet that I was already eating could actually boost my aerobic efficiency, and he ranted on skinny cyclists. At 113 pounds, I'm still pretty skinny, and don't really want to gain more total weight, but I've long regretted the fact that I was a weak cyclist (even when I weighed quite a bit more). Reading these posts gave me hope that I could actually become a lean and strong cyclist (and even be able to do a pull-up??), and maybe not feel like I had to spend every minute of free time on my bike, either. The only thing I was missing was the specifics of how to implement these principles.

So a few weeks ago when my Crossfit workouts starting causing me to wake up in the middle of the night, I emailed Jamie to ask. As of last week, I'm on the "Paleo 2.0 for Cyclists" plan. This involves two days of intervals, two days of heavy but short lifting, and one day of endurance riding. The strength training is pretty bare-bones heavy stuff, and I'm able to keep doing it at the Crossfit facility, since I hate traditional gyms and like being able to play on the ropes and rings a bit after the heavy lifting. Weekend workouts are done in a fasted state before breakfast. This is kind of a struggle, but I think it's more mental than physical. It's more of a matter of wanting to eat before I ride than actually needing to, because my metabolism is in pretty good shape. It does make breakfast ever more enjoyable once the ride's over, though. My power kind of sucks right now, but it's no lower than it was when I started my 2009 "official training", and I was 25 pounds heavier then, so power-to-weight isn't terrible.

I guess we will have to wait until August 27 to see the full results of this experiment, but I'm feeling pretty good so far.

'Til the Cows Come Home

This is completely not cycling related, but not all adventures are. Instead, I spent a sunny Saturday morning away from both bikes and Crossfit to expand my horizons and get a little a little closer to my food.

Real grass fed dairy is hard to find in this area, but for the warmer half of the year, The Swiss Connection brings top-notch raw grass fed dairy to the Bloomington farmer's market. However, the downside of their all-natural (and not the grocery store marketing kind) approach is that they don't produce year-round. So since November I've been getting by on Kerrygold butter and waiting for spring. When I saw a posting on Facebook that they were looking for volunteers to help move their cows from their winter pasture to the main farm as part of their bi-annual "cattle drive", I jumped at the opportunity to help out and maybe give the girls a pep talk to get the butter and cream flowing.

We were greeted by a neighbor of the farm, who does event catering with his chuck wagon and served up coffee brewed over an open flame.

This is me on the hay wagon that took us out to the winter pasture.

The cows awaiting round-up.

Farm owner Alan Yegerlehner giving instructions as the volunteers lined up.

Basically, they had a tractor and trailer with a movable corral panel on the back. Their were strings tied to both sides of the corral panel and the voluteers spread out about ten feet apart on each side and walked behind the tractor, creating a moving fence all the way back the farm, which was about three miles.

Moo-ing along.

This is near the end of the walk when the cows started getting spread out. It's a little hard to see the line running between me and the guy in front of me.

The cows seemed pretty excited to be back at the dairy. It's hard to see in the picture, but the ones in front started running about the time they got the barn in the distance.

After the we got back to the farm, we were treated to a nice lunch and lots of free ice cream. I had a good time meeting the farm owners and the other volunteers. Definitely a worthwhile morning, and I'm looking forward to trying the fruits, err butter, of my labor at the farmer's market in a couple of weeks.

Never Had It So Good

Now you can do what you want to

And never feel sad

You've never had it so good, babe

I've never had it so bad

I'm not really sure who the singer would be in this situation, but the chorus of this song has definitely resonated with me the last few weeks. In total, I'm three weeks into "Project Crossfit", and I did my fourth post-surgery bike ride this afternoon. I had a nice little plan laid out, but my body is really dictating my schedule more than my plan. And when you're the person who "can do what they want to and never feel sad", it all works out just fine.

For example, last weekend my Thursday Crossfit session left me completely trashed, so I decided to take the weekend off and just go in Monday instead of Tuesday. I rested Friday and thought I would ride both Saturday and Sunday, but when I woke up Saturday morning it was grey and in the 30's and I just did not feel good. So my workout was this, plus this:

Rather than forcing myself to ride when I was carrying a bunch of fatigue and no desire, I compromised by still getting in some physical activity by walking a couple of laps around the park and even playing on the swings a bit. The next day was sunnier and warmer, and I had no trouble getting myself out for a short road ride.

I'm still working my way up to the planned schedule of Crossfit on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday, with cycling on Wednesday and Saturday, because managing my fatigue level is my top priority right now. I like feeling healthy and motivated for the first time in months, and I'm not about to mess that up for some short term gains. I've set a goal of peaking for the The Unnamed Epic on August 27, to which I will commit 16 weeks of dedicated training after I complete my experiment in achieving as much Crossfit mastery (and hopefully some visible muscles) as I can by May 8th. However, unlike years past, my real goal for the season is to maintain the "never had it so good" feeling that I have now, and not getting bogged down with burnout silliness.

Was I Really in the Hospital Seven Weeks Ago?

Earlier today I was in the shower in the ladies' locker room of the French Lick Resort golf clubhouse, struggling with the awkward hand-held shower attachment. There's a shower head, but the water always seems to be switched to the hand-held thing and I have to figure out how to switch it to the shower head. Regardless, while I was doing this I was thinking about how pointless hand-held attachments are when I looked down and noticed the fold down bench, and had a memory of another awkward hand-held shower. Seven weeks ago this afternoon, I was sitting in a rickety plastic chair in shower trying to wash myself for the first time in nearly a week with a hand-held shower attachment. I was really pumped on the shower and the fact that the doctor had finally removed the disgusting piece of plastic tubing that was still protruding from my left side earlier that day.

Considering the events that today's awkward hand-held shower concluded, it's hard to believe that just seven weeks ago today, I was still in the hospital.

My name up on the big board

I started the day off with a trip to Crossfit Southern Indiana. I had my first session there on Tuesday, and was still sore when I got up this morning after a crash-course in lots o' squats. This particular facility requires newbies to do three sessions one-on-one with a trainer so that they learn good technique before they are thrown in with a big group. I'd already scheduled today's session before I saw that the weather was going to allow for rare February mountain bike ride.

I wouldn't normally double up like this, especially since I'm still in the gray area about whether I'm really even supposed to be "training" yet, anyway. The fact of the matter is that I wasn't really told an exact timeline for my return to physical activity, but I've definitely been wanting to do stuff again the last couple of weeks. I just tell myself I'll stop when it hurts. It took a lot to hurt me today, which is a good thing.

I wanted to do one long lap and one short lap at French Lick, but I ended up only doing one big one. In some ways I feel like I'm in way better shape post-surgery than I ever expected to be, but riding today was hard nonetheless. The climb up from the creek was kind of torturous, even with the granny ring, but it's always hard. I'm guessing it would be extra hard anytime after doing a Crossfit session in the morning, even if I was in good shape, so I don't feel bad.

Seeing trails in middle of winter with no greenery at all is weird. How many times have I ridden past this old car and never seen it before?

I knocked off after one lap, because I really couldn't imagine another one of the sustained climbs that even another short lap would require. Plus, I was getting achy in the torso region while descending Buffalo Trace, so I decided it was it time to thank my body for the resilience that it offered me today and reward it with some rest before my luck ran out. It was supposed to rain tomorrow, but now it's looking like it will be nice again, so going out for another ride will be tempting. I guess I will just have to see how I feel in the morning.

First Ride Back

About a week ago, I noticed that the pain in my abs was much improved, and that I could move pretty freely without feeling like I was going to tear something. Then the weather forecast called for weekend temperatures in the 40's and lots of sun. So it was time.

Today I rode my bike for the first time in nearly 11 weeks. Nothing too exciting, other than the fact that it happened. I went out for an hour and kept it pretty easy. Only a few minor aches in the abs here and there, but no big deal. The rest of my body felt weird being stretched into the unnatural position of riding a bike again, and it took me a few minutes to remind my legs how to turn in circles. It was good to be back, though.

I'm hoping to have my first Crossfit session on Tuesday, and guess at point my 2011 comeback will officially be rolling.

Waiting to (Fully) Exhale

We thought a break would be good

For four months we sat and vacillated

We thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
At that particular time love encouraged me to wait

At that particular moment it helped me to be patient
That particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant

Okay, so the title is a little bit of an exaggeration. I can fully breath in and out without pain, as long as I do it slowly. Coughing and sneezing still feel like being stabbed, though, so I tend to minimize that action. The fact of the matter is that I have reached the point where I feel very little pain during normal "get up and walk around, cook some food, take a shower" activities, so I'm getting a little restless.

Restless, as in I'm not physically tired enough to quickly fall asleep at night, despite the fact that I really need to do so that I can produce some sweet human growth hormone for mah belly. During those times my mind goes strange places, like trying to remember the lyrics to old Alanis Morrisette songs, which results in consulting the ol' Ipod and rediscovering old Alanis Morrisette songs that I had forgotten altogether. That resulted in getting a little irrationally weepy for a bit (it happens sometimes these days) and a good opening for today's post.

During the last week I have officially hit the "waiting" stage. Aside from the sleep thing, I feel generally decent, but the little tests that I conduct on my abdominal muscles tell me that they are still a few weeks out from being able to do anything besides holding me upright while I walk a slow, careful lap around Bryan Park. Still hurts to sneeze, still hurts to touch the incision area, still can't really stretch and bend very well.

Since I can't do much physically, I've been making plans to do stuff physically. That doesn't sound like typical Lindsay behavior at all, right? Extrapolating potential outcomes and laying out plans to try and control the situation? (At least I'm not trying to control The Situation. What a mess that would be.)

The plan is, when the abs are ready, to spend 12-16 weeks devoting myself to "general fitness", rather jumping on the bike and being all "OMG, I GOTTA GET MY THRESHOLD POWER BACK NOW!!!" This is going to sound trite, and I hate trite, but I feel like this whole surgery mess is really an opportunity for a fresh start for me. When I think about the "four months we sat and vacillated" in the lyrics above, I think about July-October of last year, rather than my recovery period. I sure as heck did some vacillatin' during those months, and the doubts were abounding. I changed my diet, lost some weight, and got happier, but I had to pull away from a full devotion to cycling to do it. When I found out that I was going to have to take a major break, I saw it as a opportunity to fully let go of cycling for a bit and make all of the changes that I wanted to make, rather than feeling pressure to hurry and come back.

Losing weight was the one of the changes I'd hope for, and I've more than exceed that goal according to the scale. However, due to the circumstances, I'm still not as lean as I would like, but that is where the other change comes in. For quite some time, I've been bothered by the fact that, aside from the ability to ride a bike for a really long time, I'm pretty freaking weak. I can't really do more than one or two real push ups, and even then my form is pretty bad. I've been Crossfit-curious for a long time, ever since my former coach had me do Olympic lifts and linked videos to their site. It's not really the kind of thing one can just throw on top of an intense cycling training program and keep their sanity, though.

So I've decided to take a few months and satisfy my curiosity. I've shopped around and found a local facility (sorry, I will neither say "box" or ever refer to my food as "blocks") that will teach me the basics, but won't force me to stick to a rigid group workout only format. Once I learn what I'm doing more, I can focus on the elements that best help my cycling strength, as well as my general conditioning. No random going 'till I puke without a plan involved (the major criticism of Crossfit). The plan is Crossfit Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, base miles on the bike on Wednesday and Saturday, and keep my usual off days of Monday and Friday. That should give me a good foundation for late May or June when I feel ready to back to full bike training with a little bit of maintenance strength training so I don't lose what I've gained.

In preparation for this plan, I bought some new running shoes to replace the 5+ year old super-padded, ultra stability Asics that are a relic of my triathlon days. You might guess that I picked them for the color (which I love), but they also come highly recommended in the crazy Paleo ultra trail runner community, or at least among those who favor regular shoes over Vibram Five Fingers. I figured since I'm out of practice on running anyway, if start back with my Bryan Park walks in minimalist shoes that my feet will slowly grow stronger along with the rest of my body.

Finally, for the sake of another picture, my other project while I'm "waiting" is learning embroidery. I kind of procrastinated on this one, as I didn't lay down my first stitches until Friday, two and a half weeks after getting out of the hospital. Now it's underway, and easier than I thought so far. Of course, as you can see from my "Stitches I Know" sampler, I know only know about two stitches so far, but hopefully I can buckle down and finish the thing before I have to go back to work.

Free and On The Mend

The long-awaited surgery is finally behind me and I am on the mend. They ended up just taking out half of pancreas, because once they got in there, they discovered there wasn't enough tail left to do the funky double pancreas thing they planned. No big deal, I still have enough left to live a normal life once I'm all healed up, which may take a while.

A lovely shot Adam took the day after surgery. He got me a stuffed cat to keep me company since I had to be away from the real ones.

The first couple of days after surgery weren't too bad, because I was on so much morphine that I didn't feel a lot of pain. I made a lot of early progress and was cleared for "full liquids" (blended soup, pudding, ice cream, etc.) two days earlier than planned. However, a sudden onset of nausea and a drop in my white blood cell count set me back enough that I had to stay in the hospital until the morning of Day 6, as predicted by my well-read "surgery book" that they gave me before hand.

I felt pretty awful when I arrived home, but I have made small bits of progress every day since. I haven't made it through a night in bed, as I get really bad internal pain in the pancreas area when I lay too flat for too long. For some reason, I can sleep on the couch much better, so I usually end up there from 2 a.m. until Adam wakes up. Then I usually toddle into the kitchen for some food, and then go back to the couch and sit there upright while I have my breakfast. I don't spend a lot of time away from the couch yet.

Eating has been my other struggle since I've been home, since all but the tiniest portions make me feel sick and bloated after eating. I had this great plan to bring my own food and maintain a strict paleo/primal diet in the hospital, or at least avoid gluten no matter how bad things got. Unfortunately, there was even less in the way of refrigerator/microwave access for my caregivers than I had expected, and with the arrival of my nausea, those plans were thrown out the window.

When Friday rolled around, I knew I they wouldn't let me out if I didn't start eating, even though I felt really nauseous. The doctor finally just said to eat whatever looked good to me, which turned out to be some homemade Chex mix that my grandma had sent with my mom. So I pretty much lived on Chex mix and boiled or scrambled eggs from the cafeteria until I got out on Sunday. I know it sounds weird, but those were the only things that didn't make me sick. After that, my barriers were down, and I had no problem eating the homemade chicken noodle soup that my mom made when we got to my house (with saltine crackers even), and finishing off the Chex mix. I finally finished the soup off yesterday, and woke up today with a little bit more appetite for meat, so now it's time to raid the freezer and get back on the straight and narrow.

So now for the "scandalous" pictures. I know, this is even more risqué than the time that I posed in my sports bra and bibs. Yes, I am in my underwear, but it covers more than most bikinis, and I wanted to show my scars, as well as the weight I've lost.

I've secretly always wanted to get down to an even 50 kgs, to not only be "mountain goat waif-ish", but to make calculating my watts per kilograms easier. As of this morning, I'm more or less there, but I'm much more skinny-fat than I'd planned to be that weight, and my threshold power would definitely suck right now if I had one. (I'm guessing the inability to ride a bike equals a threshold power of zero.)

Scar

My belly is still pretty swollen, not to mention the lack of usable abdominal muscles. I'm going to have some serious postural issues to work out when this over. My back is killing me about as much as my incision is.

Thinking of getting a gansta tattoo to cover up the scar. What do you think?

December 27: It's a Date

I'm going to start off with kicking a little scientific knowledge, Lil' Emily style.

This is an normal pancreas.

This is my pancreas.

This will be my pancreas (or double pancreas) after December 27.

After two months of testing, examining, and above all, WAITING, I finally have a date for my surgery. In my last post I mentioned how I was worried that this thing would turn in major abdominal surgery, and the powers that be would continue to drag their feet resulting in the surgery not being done before Christmas. Unfortunately, I was correct on both counts. I underestimated my worst case scenario the seriousness of the surgery, but the date only missed the Christmas deadline by a couple days.

So here's the deal. Due to the size and location of my cyst, I have to have the middle part of my pancreas removed. Once that is done, the orphaned tail piece is going to be attached directly to my intestine, so that it can continue to produce pancreatic enzymes. Supposedly everything will still work pretty normally once it is all over, but healing is going to take a while.

I will have to be in the hospital for about seven days, and for the first three I will be all cracked out on a morphine pump with no food or drink. After that will be the starting to drink, eat, and walk enough to prove that I can survive on my own at home. After that, I will spend another 5-ish weeks recovering at home before I return to work.

As for the timeline for my return to cycling, I'm just going to play it by ear. I don't really expect to be able to mountain bike until late March, but really no one in Indiana gets to mountain bike more than a week or two before that, anyway. The difference is that I will have lost a lot of muscle and fitness. Since it's highly unlikely that I will be anywhere near healed enough for the Spa City 6 Hour or the Ouachita Challenge, as I had been planning, I might not rush into the beginning of XC season, either. I may take this spring and summer to work on building back lost muscle mass, strength, power, flexibility, and all that jazz, before I get serious about cycling again and give New New the proper CX season she didn't get this year (and some new wheels with tubies). Of course, that's pretty far out to be planning, and I may find myself dying to race in April. We'll see.

I Wanna Be Sedated

One, two, three more hours to go, I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do no where to go-o-oh, I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the OR, give me something for the pain
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no

Not much to report in my world. The biopsy went okay, although it was nearly three hours late getting started. (Thus the lyrics above, which were going through my head all morning.) Unfortunately, it will still probably be another week or week and a half before the full lab results come in and we can proceed. I think surgery is still going to be the conclusion, but things are getting fuzzy about what kind of tumor I have, etc. Hopefully, the lab analysis will reveal something helpful, since I feel like there's more going on that just have something pressing on my internal organs. After nearly five weeks of rest or very light riding, as well as a super clean diet that is claimed to reduce systematic inflammation, my muscles and joints are still stiff and achy and I'm still pretty weak. I'd hoped that getting the cyst taken out would allow some sort of full-body healing to take place, but the doctor sort of looked at me like I was crazy when I asked if the cyst could be causing more systematic problems. So now I'm worried that I will go through surgery and then not really feel any better once it's over.

Additionally, I'm starting to be afraid that by the time the lab work is all finished, that all of the super special cyst surgeons at the IU Medical Center will be booked up until after their four week long holiday vacations to the Caribbean. (Okay, that's mostly making an assumption based on what the orthodontist that my mom works for does.) It's also looking like it might turn into full abdominal surgery, which I think would keep me from even riding outside again until sometime in April.

Needless to say, I'm getting very frustrated and worried. I keep hoping for the best case scenario at each stage of the process, but it then it turns into something worse. I'm crossing my fingers that my luck will change soon.

Last Dance With New New

The pancreatic situation has been moving pretty slowly since my last post. I have to have a biopsy on Wednesday, and then hopefully we will finally get the surgery on the books. The good news is that after two weeks of complete inactivity post-Berryman epic, I actually started feeling better on my own and I've started doing a little bit of easy riding and some simple bodyweight strength training at home. I'm not really training because a) I don't want to push myself too hard to and start to get weak and sick again b) I know I'm going to have to take more time off after the surgery, so even if I'm feeling better, trying to mount a comeback is impractical until after the surgery. I'm basically just trying to maintain my strength and muscle tone until I'm fully healed and ready to start my 2011 base training.

That being said, something was niggling at me to race one more cross race if I was able. I remember feeling bad for New New as Adam was loading his 'cross bikes up for the USGP Louisville and I was loading up my 29er for the Berryman Epic while she sat in the back room of the basement, all dressed up with nowhere to go for the weekend. So I felt like she needed one last run before winter.

This weekend provided the perfect opportunity with Backyard Cross, presented by Adam's team, the Speedway Wheelmen. The race was at Adam's teammate's property, which was intended to be a housing addition, but currently only contains one house. So making the best of a bad economic situation, the place has been turned into a very large cyclocross course until the housing market picks back up. I wanted to participate in this race, which is part of the Indiana Cyclocross Cup, the younger less-attended sibling of the OVCX series, which the Speedway Wheelmen are trying to get going. With no other Cat 3/4 women entered, I was able to boost their attendance numbers a bit, and get a "win" without blowing myself up. Of course, once the gun went off, I had a hard time "riding easy", but I would make myself back off when I felt like I was going super hard, and I didn't allow myself to try to pass the one junior who passed me. So I got my last race in and don't feel like I pushed myself hard enough to do any damage, plus I got a sweet bag o' swag for my "win".

Don't Call It a Comeback

"Don't call it a comeback; I've been here for years" - the cyst on my pancreas

The reason that I haven't posted any news since the Berryman Epic is that I've spent most of the time waiting on news myself. As I mentioned in my race report, my stomach was messed up the week before the Berryman Epic, and I think the lack of proper nutritional intake was what slowed me down so much. The week after the race was spent waiting and hoping my digestion would come around and I would get my strength back for the Storm the Greens CX race. When I didn't, Jason's pre-race pep talk call turned into a discussion of gallbladder symptoms and I spent the weekend waiting to talk to my doctor on Monday. I spent Storm the Greens camped out in the Shamrock Cycles tent, which is fun, but not as fun as getting to race first and drink after. (I figured whatever was wrong, I probably shouldn't pour hard cider on top of it.)

When I went to the doctor on Monday, she poked around on my abdomen and made the initial guess that it was, in fact, my gallbladder. I had blood work and an ultrasound done and then spent most the week waiting for results, and worrying about a future of compromised ability to break down dietary fat, just when I'd really started to fall in love with dietary fat. (Butter is my methadone and without it, I might go back on the hard stuff: Ben & Jerry's). As it were, I was nearing three weeks with compromised ability to break down dietary anything, and the ~1000 calories a day I was able tolerate weren't really cutting it.

On Thursday, I finally got the long awaited call with some unexpected, but not really surprising news. I get to to keep my gallbladder, but a baby pancreatic cyst that discover during a previous abdominal incident after my first Ouachita Challenge is apparently all grown up and pressing on the organs around it. No wonder I feel more full than usual after eating. So I still have to have an MRI next week, but the upshot is that I will have to have surgery of some sort and my CX is 99% likely to be over.

I'm disappointed but not devastated. I was looking forward to one more month of racing, especially since I've been enjoying 'cross much more than I have in a couple of years and placing better, as well. I spent the first half of the season waxing nostalgic about the old days when I was a 'cross devotee, but lost the love when I was repeatedly handed ass-whoopings by every new girl who rolled each weekend during the early explosions of the American Cyclocross Boom of 2007. When I started this season and realized that I could hold my own better than in the past, the famous opening lines of L.L. Cool J's "Momma Said Knock You Out", came to mind. Unfortunately, my threshold power isn't the only thing that's been growing since 2007.

The good news is that I should still be healed up in time to still get a good base for spring, and with the 11 pounds that I've lost since August, and the weight I will continue to lose until I get a full-time appetite back, I will likely be a much better climber next season. So I guess I will report back with my progress once all of the tests are done and the timeline has been established.

"I'm gonna knock you out, Momma said knock you out." - Lindsay to cyst