

Okay, so I don't have trouble doing anything without a cigarette, but this commercial epitomizes how I feel trying to watch a movie or enjoy a day off from training without junk food. However, I told myself weeks ago that once the big hairy monster of Pisgah was past, that I would start concentrating on improving the kilograms side of my watts per kilogram ratio during the off and pre-season, when I could best afford some calorie deficits.
I'm in the middle of enjoying a two-week break from training before I start slowly building up in November and resume "real" training in December. I thought that trying to keep myself off junk food while taking time off would be hard, but I think it's actually a bit easier since I can devote 100% of my willpower towards resisting it right now. I think it's a fairly well-researched fact that each person only has a limited amount of willpower that is distributed throughout all areas of their life, and if too much is devoted to one area, it usually slips in another. While I was struggling to get through the last couple of tough training cycles, I was coping by "rewarding" myself a lot food-wise. Now I can concentrate on gritting my teeth and gripping my teacup while I abstain from sugar and other deliciousness.
Of course, I probably won't see any real weight loss until I start training again, but this period is proving to be a good chance to recondition myself. Besides the full focus on diet, I have the advantage that I'm less ragingly hungry than when I'm training and I can allow my stomach to shrink a bit. Plus, there's always that first week or so of getting used to telling yourself no, so it will be a little easier by the time I start riding again.
After the first long stage, I think I subconsciously decided that I had proven whatever point that I had come to prove. It was nearly dark when I finished and I still had to clean my bike, wash my clothes, and eat dinner. To make matters worse, I locked myself out of my cabin and had some drama trying to get back in. When I woke up at 5:30 the next morning after six hours of interrupted sleep, I felt like garbage and could barely eat my breakfast. The temperature had dropped to the mid-40's with drizzle and a little snow, and early in the day I decided that I would probably just take the early-bailout time penalty at some point and try to come back strong on the final day. I stuck it out just long enough to get myself soaked on the seven creek crossings, but not enough to ride though the heavy snow at 6000 ft. that would come later in the day.
I had high hopes for the final day, as it was sunny and I was feeling more rested. The only problem was that my toes were still kind of numb from the previous day and I made the decision that it got to the point where my fingers were too numb to shift, I would pack it in. There was hope for a warm afternoon, and I dressed as warmly as I could, although I had not brought many warm clothes. Things looked good on the initial fireroad climb, but the wind was strong up high in the mountains and by the bottom of the first decent I my fingers had completely lost feeling. At that point I realized that punishing myself like that was not worth it and that it was time to call it. I got a ride back and hung out while the pros finished incredibly early in the day and the weather turned surprisingly decent (of course).
I'm sad about how it all ended, but I'm also ready to move on. I came to the decision that Pisgah was my last death march. I'm going to reign things in in 2010 and concentrate on doing well in shorter races rather than throwing myself into the deep end of events that I may or may not be able to finish. There is something very noble about throwing yourself in the deep end and I admire people who are willing to do it in varying capacities, because, it stretches you to be better. However, it's only cute so many times and I think I've befriended enough sweepers and received enough pity claps for one cycling career. When I first started endurance racing, I was pursuing glory; now I'm shooting for something even more difficult: anonymity. My goal for 2010 is to start achieving respectable top 50% finishes in a few 50-60 mile races and not require any special treatment from volunteers or organizers.