I thought it was time for an update since I was having such a tough time when I wrote my last post. Things actually got a lot worse when I tried to pull a pillow out from behind my head with my left hand while I was half asleep Saturday night and woke up with an extra swollen left boob on Sunday morning. It's already the more problematic side because that's where the cancer was and where the lymph nodes were removed. Frank told me that the doctor had closed up the pocket (space where the implant sits) a bit on that side, so I got very anxious that I had damaged the pocket and that I would have to go through another surgery to fix it. I called the emergency number, and the doctor told me to come to the office on Monday. Then I spent most of the rest of Sunday engaging in periods of panicked crying.
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| Cats are the one upside to not being able to do stuff. Also, this post needed a thumbnail image. |
When I saw the doctor, he didn't seem concerned. He said unless there were bruising or darkness that would indicate bleeding, it was probably fine. I was worried because I can still feel pronounced puffiness when my left arm is flat at my side, but he said that it wasn't a concern right now and was probably something that could be fixed in a few months if it still bothered me.
I felt a tiny bit bad because he was seeing me in between surgeries at his in-office clinic, but I also wanted to resolve some of the frustrating lack of communication surrounding my latest operation. I felt sort of abandoned when I woke up in the hospital on Thursday without having spoken with him in nearly four weeks except for a very brief chat right before I went into the OR. I was left with only confusing second-hand information about how and why things had, at least for me, significantly changed from what I expected going into surgery. So I used the time I had to try and clear up some of the issues that were bothering me.
The white tape is supposed to be "defining the crease" under my boobs for the first week. He said that since I'd already been in once this week and everything looked fine, I could take it off myself on Thursday and that I didn't need to come back again for three weeks. I tried to explain my perspective and how being unexpectedly stuck with something that would double the amount of time that I had to go with showering with no warning or explanation had affected me, but my efforts fell flat.
My takeaway was that I would be better off if the tape remained stuck to me until Thursday, so Frank carefully covered it in waterproof Bandaids, I took a shower, and it did wonders for my mental health. I sometimes think people throw around the phrase "ride or die" a little too casually, but the fact that Frank actually pitched this plan before me may be the true embodiment of that phrase. He really is the best.
Of course, the Bandaids didn't work 100%, and the tape did get a little damp. It dried out within an hour, and it still seems fine now. However, I feel that I should throw in a "Don't try this at home, kids," like the old cartoons used to do.
Most of my stress for the past week can all be traced back to unclear expectations. This was pitched as a very minor surgery to me, and physically, it was. After five days I'm experiencing only the most minor discomfort, and I think a lot of that is actually the tape restricting my movement. The intense burning feeling that I felt immediately after surgery was almost entirely dissipated within 48 hours, and honestly, I think most of my negative physical sensations since then can be attributed more to stress and lack of movement than the actual incisions.
However, my mistake was to interpret the expectation of minimal physical pain with minimal life interruption. What I didn't understand was that the real challenge of this surgery would not be the physical impact on my body, but all of the rules and restrictions meant to help my boobs look good in the end. Since no one really explained the difference between health rules and cosmetic rules to me, it was very frustrating because none of it seemed to make sense.
I want there to be a lesson learned here, especially given the title, but the fact of the matter is that I didn't have valuable information that could have helped me get into the right headspace to make this experience more tolerable. Partly because I'm not a typical plastic surgery patient and partly because of the archetypal disconnect between the medical professional and the patient perspectives, no one understood the need to explain how a minor physical procedure can still cause major life disruption. At this point, yesterday's conversation is as close to "fixing" the situation as I'll get. As stressful as this experience has been, I'm nearing the end, and hopefully, I won't have to face this situation again.
In regard to not facing this again, I mentioned in my last post that I was disappointed when I saw my boobs immediately after surgery. The right one has improved a lot, although the left still looks pretty weird due to the aforementioned swelling that sent me to the doctor yesterday. In the context of the puffiness under my left arm, I was told that I wasn't "allowed to pass judgment for six months." After that, most imperfections can be fixed with fat injections, or in the case of any remaining underarm puffiness, liposuction. And, of course, those procedures would be "even more minor." LOL.
I suppose that is my lesson learned: If and when it comes down to it in a few months, I should meet supposedly "minor" procedures with an appropriate amount of skepticism. At some point, correcting minor imperfections might just not be worth the "minor" procedure. At the same time, by that point, it will be winter again, and maybe I'll be better emotionally prepared to handle it. For now, though, I just need to make it through a few more restrictions, and I'm free to live my life for six months, or forever, as I choose.
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