Two Metaphors, One Race Report

You may have noticed by now that I like metaphors, and since my race report from DINO Logansport would be pretty boring if told it literally, I've decided to tell it in metaphor.

First, I would like you to imagine being a rag doll with little floppy rag doll arms and legs. Then imagine being dunked in a bucket of water so that your floppy rag doll arms and legs are wet and heavy. Finally, imagine trying to race a mountain bike like that. That's pretty much my race today. As for possible explanations, I'm going to say a combination of the heat and a phenomenon that will hereafter be known as "my brain on DINO".

As for my second metaphor, it doesn't specifically relate to the race today, but I thought it up several weeks ago and I've been wanting to mention it since. It came up when I was watching a very edited for TV version of Summer Catch, which is a goofy teen comedy from the early 00's about college/amateur baseball players in a summer league in hopes that will be noticed by professional scouts. It's also about Freddie Prinze, Jr. romancing Jessica Biel, but that part is pretty uninteresting except for the part where says in her most breathy voice, "If want big rewards, you gotta take big risks." So cliche, but kinda true. It's not really one of my "favorite" movies, but I feel the urge to watch it every time it's on TV.

Anyway, since the last time I watched it, I've been thinking about the subplot involving Billy Brubaker, the catcher player by Matthew Lillard. He goes through a significant number of games without a single hit, because he is not used to using wooden bats and really struggles adjusting to them. It gets to the point where he packs up his stuff and is ready to go home, but of course, FPJ's character plots to derail his trip to the bus stop with a night of debauchery with baseball groupie, Dee Dee Mulligan. Strangely, at no point does FPJ tell him "it's just baseball and we do it for fun".

After waking up hungover and wearing a thong, Billy Brubaker suits up for the next day's game and gets on base with a bunt, marking his first hit of the season. He does a happy dance and saves the ball, and the movie cuts to a montage of him hitting successfully and his batting average climbing on a news ticker.

Sure, I love cheesy sports movies as much as I love metaphors and I know darn well that real life doesn't always work that way. However, since I watched that scene I can't help wondering if all I need is a Billy Brubaker moment, some minor score to get me out of a rut. Or maybe I need a night of debauchery; I'm not sure.